America Needs Civility, Not Unity

Political vitriol spilled over into violence recently with the assassination attempt on ex-President Donald Trump, prompting pundits and politicians to preach for unity. President Biden addressed the nation to call for national unity in response to the increasingly violent political atmosphere, asking everyone to tone down the negativity. In a nation increasingly divided, unity seems the only solution to avoid further disintegration of our nation.

Unity, however, is a lot like peace. It’s sounds great to want peace, but what is its price? 

Peace exists when there is no war. However, we can have peace through victory, or peace through defeat. Subjugated people can be peaceful, even if they are unhappy. We want to be the peaceful winners, not the peaceful losers. We want peace on our terms, or it is a bitter peace.

Unity, like peace, sounds like a good thing until you look at it more closely. 

Unity means those who are different must be convinced, or silenced. Differences are put aside for the purpose of coming together, realizing we are all members of the same club. It is a monoculture of thought and opinion that we are all supposed to believe, which is sweet if you already believe it, but bitter if you don’t.

We should not want unity of thought, especially in the realm of politics. Disunity of thought and politics is natural for a large population of diverse people with diverse backgrounds and cultures. Open debate and dialogue are essential for a democracy to work, and a difference of opinions adds color and context to political debates. Calls for unity serve to suppress opposing opinions and squash free debate. Debate only exists when there are opposing positions, and does not exist within a unity. 

What our nation needs now is not unity, or peace. We need civility. 

A nation in transition, with polarized politics, needs more open dialogue and debate, not less. We need to express our beliefs in a civil way, as part of the healthy debate over our political future. 

Being civil means accepting that others disagree with you without having to hate them and want them dead or canceled from society. It means that we respect the diversity of perspectives that together constitute our society, even if we vehemently disagree. 

Here are some suggestions of how to be civil while still being true to your beliefs. 

1. Give others a chance to speak without interrupting them.
2. After they speak, summarize to them what they have said, to show that you were listening and to confirm that you understand their position. 
3. Present your position without name calling or hateful words. 
4. After speaking, ask others to summarize what you said to make sure they understand you.
5. Don’t speak over one another. Take turns.
6. Don’t make threats, and don’t use threatening body language.
7. Keep an open mind if you can, since you might be wrong, after all.
8. Think before you speak, and realize that changing your mind when exposed to new ideas is a good thing, since it improves the validity of your position. 
9. Try using empathy to understand the motives and experiences behind those who disagree with you. 
10. Accept that you can’t always get your way when you are part of a group. 
11. See compromise as a way of achieving inclusion of diverse ideas. 
12. Keep a sense of humor.
13. Remember that you can disagree with someone, and still defend their right to free speech.

The only unity we need is the mutual agreement to be civil with one another. We can hate and still be civil. We can disagree on basic political philosophy and still be civil. Through civil actions we can maintain our civilization. 

Unity is the end, not the means. The means is being civil with one another. People have to agree to not fight or kill one another before they agree to joining hands in national unity. We need a unity of civility. The rest will work itself out, as politics usually does. 

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